I don’t want to publish

I don’t want to publish.

Every time I draft a blog post, I have the idea of posting it to Reddit or Hackernews in the back of my mind and I never do it - because publishing is scary.

I’m afraid readers won’t read generously. I see words interpreted in the worst possible way often on Twitter and generally everywhere on the internet. I rely on the generosity of readers to understand my ideas even if I don’t put them in the best way. My blog in particular is both too short and unedited because that’s the limits of my time and skill. My ideas aren’t fleshed out enough to stand on their own without help from the reader.

I’m afraid readers will believe me. I’m writing about things I’m in the process of learning about, so I’m probably wrong. Also, I decided not to research while I write because I would go down a rabbit hole researching and end up never writing, which means I’m likely wrong about facts.

And the big one, I open myself to the whole range of negative feedback to public outcry. I’m enjoy watching YouTube and some creators dwell on negative comments. I like to think that I’m able to handle negative feedback, but I’ve never really put myself out there before. I also follow streamers and I frequently see incredible drama come out of the smallest things. I’ve also read about many communities blowing up due to drama because I follow r/HobbyDrama, a communicate dedicated to documenting similarly dramatic events in individual communities. I don’t know how I would handle being in the spotlight. I have a feeling like I’d handle it poorly.

I don’t know if it comes across in my writing, but I feel a surprising amount of stress thinking about publishing this post. I’ve published videos and coding projects before, but writing feels more personal.

I going to publish this anyways.

By publishing, I open a path to receiving feedback. Even though I’m worried about how I’ll respond to negative feedback, feedback is a great way to learn. Collectively, humans know a lot and posting a blog is like having spellcheck for your knowledge. You type in a bunch of ideas into a blog post, then the readers collectively correct your post and expands on the topic for you.

As for my concerns, swyx’s Learn in Public assured me the most. I can only try to be as right as possible within my own limits. I hope to improve on my flaws, but this is the limits of my skills at the moment. If I don’t write, I won’t improve. If I publish, I’ll improve faster. It’s ok to feel like an imposter. Also, I have such a low opinion of my own writing that I don’t see how I could get feedback worse than what I’m expecting. It’s possible that I’m my own worst critic. Even if I get no feedback, I’d see that as a win since that would make me more likely to publish my work.

I have no idea what you might’ve took away from this post, but if you’ve read this far, humor me and leave a comment.

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